This is a tough one. I’ve wished my ex’s happy birthday before and it was met with a varying degree of results. So, I found that it is very awkward to wish an ex happy birthday if you are still in love with them.
But if you aren’t in love with your ex anymore? Then sure! By all means, open up your phone right now and send that text!
Don’t you see the difference there? There is such a huge difference between these two scenarios:
Scenario one: saying happy birthday when one of you still has feelings
Scenario two: wishing your ex happy birthday when nobody has feelings anymore.
For fun, we can even throw in a third scenario. Scenario three: wishing your ex a happy birthday when both of you are moved on in new relationships.
Those are all three very different things. So I would encourage you to be mindful of your goal. What is your goal in wishing your ex a happy birthday?
In two of the three scenarios above, the goal is simply to say happy birthday to an ex.
But in the scenario where feelings are involved, the goal is much deeper than that. If you still have feelings for your ex, really take a look at why you are wishing your ex a happy birthday.
Are you saying happy birthday to get a reply from your ex?
I’m not trying to call anybody out here but it’s common for people to use events like birthdays as a reason to reach out. In most healthy relationships you don’t need a reason to reach out. You can reach out on any day that ends in the letter y because you guys are just healthy like that.
I have only one ax where I could confidently wish him a happy birthday and not think twice about it. And that’s because I have zero romantic feelings left toward him. It has been 4 years now and we are both so moved on.
I wouldn’t wish your ex happy birthday if…
Don’t wish your actually happy birthday if getting a response will hurt your feelings. Because it is a very real possibility that your ex will not respond to your birthday text. How will that make you feel?
That’s why it’s really important to analyze your intentions behind reaching out.
If you want a reply when you wish your ex a happy birthday…
Then simply ask! One really great lesson my therapist taught me was just to be really honest with myself. And if getting a reply is important to me then just straight up ask for a reply.
So you can say what you would normally say for a birthday text. And end it with something like this, “Please let me know when you got my message.”
That is a really good way to tell if there is any sort of passive aggressive behavior coming from your ex. At least in my opinion because why would your ex ignore your birthday message – especially if you asked him or her to reply?
If you’re feeling brave, you can use your ex’s birthday as an opportunity to make yourself feel really vulnerable. If you text your ex happy birthday and say please let me know you got my message, and all you have is radio silence – what more do you really need to hear?
For some people, being ignored is the closure you need.
It can really hurt to reach out to somebody and be ignored. It can make us feel like we did something wrong. So if you reach out to your ex and don’t hear back, keep your head up.
Don’t text your ex happy birthday if…
Do not message your ex a happy birthday wish if your ex specifically told you to stop contact. That would be a clear boundary violation. And you are pretty much certain to get ignored!
Instead of using opportunities like birthdays to get a response if you’ve been asked to cease contact, focus on yourself. Don’t associate this day with your ex anymore. This birthday now just becomes another day to you on the calendar. I know it’s so much easier said than done but you can do it!
I have some really significant dates in my life. January 11th. May 27th. March 10th. August 1st. January 27th. July 7th.
Those dates will always live on in my mind, some of them in infamy and some of them happy days. But no matter what, it’s just another day. So don’t let the emotions cloud your logical brain into thinking that your ex’s birthday is anything other than just another day.
How would your current partner feel about you wishing your ex happy birthday?
To be honest, I personally wouldn’t love the idea of my boyfriend texting his ex happy birthday. I would view it as unnecessary to be honest. Unless of course they had a friendship that I knew about and we had full transparency. So if you are texting your ex a happy birthday and there isn’t a friendship there, maybe just let your current partner know what you’re up to. The last thing you would want is to upset a healthy relationship just to reach out on a birthday – especially because you’re not even guaranteed a reply.
What to remember about wishing your ex a happy birthday:
So should you wish your ex a happy birthday? Again, look at your goal. If your goal is to get a response, then ask for a response. If you don’t care if you get ignored, then go for it! If your ex asked you not to contact anymore, then do not text a happy birthday.
Remember, you’re doing this for you. So you need to be okay with no response from your ex at all if you are making yourself vulnerable.
Leave a reply in the comment section below about any insecurities or questions you have about wishing your ex a happy birthday. Myself and the other readers will do our best to help you figure out what the best course of action would be in your specific situation. Thank you so much for reading and I hope you have a great day!