I remember when my boyfriend joined the military. We had just been through a rough patch a few months before that. I called him up to see if he wanted to go for a drive and talk. I’ll always remember where we were when he told me he’s joining the military. My heart sank, and I can replay it in my mind like a movie today.
It was really over. He was moving from Michigan to Florida within the next few months and starting basic training. I was devastated and very sad during those three months of waiting for him to leave.
Waiting for my boyfriend to start basic training…
When my ex joined the military, all I could think about was him starting basic training. I did so much research on what he would experience. But, I was also apprehensive about him.
I eventually met up with him again and discovered basic training really changed him. So, of course, it did!
Joining the military will change your boyfriend.
Joining the military is a huge commitment. For me, my ex-boyfriend is a homosexual. So I worried extra. By the time he left the military, he was a totally different person.
However, keep in mind that the military will require a lot of your boyfriend’s time. Even non-military civilians change over time. It’s just part of human nature. But my ex-boyfriend joining the military really accelerated his change.
He seemed more masculine by the time he finished the military. Finally, he told me he wouldn’t want to join again, but he needed to for school. It changed the trajectory of his life, and he was required to show up to military training every so often. The military now dictated his life.
You might want to date other military members.
After my ex-boyfriend joined the military, I spent a little bit of time single. Eventually, I moved out of Michigan and settled down in Seattle, Washington. I was on a dating app there and met this guy named David, who happened to be in the Navy.
I then realized that maybe I was attracted to a certain personality type… or a certain type of guy that would join the military.
It was bizarre thanking my boyfriend for his military service.
When my ex joined the military, I felt kinda weird thanking him for his service. Normally I would thank any military member without feeling weird at all. But my ex and I… it just felt different. So I still thanked him, of course.
But I know he felt the awkwardness, too. In fact, he told me so. We were sitting in Starbucks one cold winter day in Michigan. He was home visiting his family for Christmas. We had about 1 hour before Starbucks closed, and we got to talking.
“Hey Connor, thank you for your service,” I timidly said as I looked at his striking blue eyes, wondering what they’ve seen since he left me and joined the military.
“Oh, yeah, sure, no problem,” Connor said as his eyes darted away. “But so you know, I don’t really think I have done anything for you to thank me for.”
He didn’t really feel like he deserved my thanks for whatever reason. I felt kinda weird once I thanked him, but I would still do it again.
The military isn’t forever.
Your boyfriend won’t be in the military forever. There will be a time when the military no longer is front and center on either of your minds. In the meantime, you have to move on and be strong. Don’t do what I did, which was obsess over how your boyfriend is doing. I looked up every single thing I possibly could to understand what his experiences would be like.
Really, it just kept me obsessed with him and the relationship. The military can be really scary, and you never know if your boyfriend will be deployed. You really have to free yourself of the endless myriad of thoughts and fears that come with your boyfriend joining the military.
Don’t compare yourself to your boyfriend.
I compared myself to my ex-boyfriend. I was like, “well, he’s joining the military, so does that mean I’m not doing enough with my life?” Don’t compete. You’re doing enough with your life. You don’t have to worry so much about this change, I promise.
Other people will find your military boyfriend attractive.
Your boyfriend will probably become pretty muscular from his time in the military. I know that my ex-boyfriend got a totally different haircut for the military. He definitely got wider shoulders, a chest, etc. He also loved to take selfies in his uniform and post them all over Instagram. He got a lot of attention, and I think he deserved it, honestly. It let me know I was totally moved on when I could see all his military selfies and truly just be happy and proud of him. Thankful our country has someone like him fighting for us.
Your boyfriend will come out of the military with new friends.
He will make a lot of military friends…probably. They are going to share so many experiences that you and I can’t truly relate to. So embrace these new friendships he’s making instead of allowing them to make you insecure.