I’ve been the ex asking for money. I’ve also been the ex who is providing money. So, I know how it feels on either side of the coin here…pun intended.
Should I help my ex with money?
There are many factors to consider before you give your ex money. Don’t be so quick to open your Venmo app quite yet. Money is a tricky topic, and many avoid mixing friends and money… let alone ex’s and money! This financial situation can go south really fast, so don’t send your ex money before thinking at least 72 hours about it. Seriously, so many people have a change of heart after sending money. Allowing yourself some time before sending your ex money gives him/her time to show you that he/she really is being genuine. If your ex starts being mean because of your 72-hour window, you know that sending money isn’t right anyway.
Also, it’s totally ok to send your ex money no matter how your ex treats you. It is your money, after all and you’re an adult who is free to do what you wish. My goal with this article is to help you look at the topic of your ex and money more fully. Let’s take some time and really break this down together.
My ex-boyfriend still gives me money.
This is the situation I am in at the time of writing this article. I hope this website will do well and help me out financially, but there are no guarantees. In the meantime, my ex-boyfriend is still giving me money because we live together and he wants to help me out. When times were good for me, I helped him and now I think he is happy to return the favor.
It does feel weird that he still gives me money. But it is also nice… if your ex-boyfriend still gives you money, make sure you are not using him! Do not stay with someone just for money. I wouldn’t accept money from my ex-boyfriend if I thought my intentions were not honest and good. Don’t take money from your ex-boyfriend if you are planning on ditching him as soon as your financial situation changes.
It almost feels karmic that my ex-boyfriend is giving me money now. When we started dating, he had no money of his own but I did. I helped him build his massage business and now he’s happy to help me. If your ex-boyfriend still gives you money, ask yourself why.
My ex-boyfriend used me for money.
There’s a difference between an ex asking you for money and an ex USING you for money. My ex-boyfriend Connor totally used me for money. When he broke up with me, we still had a trip planned to Hawaii. He got back together with me right before we had that trip planned. As always, I forked over the bill for everything. Snorkeling, food, you name it… I paid for all of it despite Connor breaking up with me shortly before this. Guess what happened when the trip was over? Connor ghosted me.
If your gut is telling you something is off with your ex-boyfriend asking for money, listen to your gut. Please! Most often, it won’t lead you astray. May I give you my honest opinion? You’re on here searching the Internet for advice about giving your ex-boyfriend money. That’s reason enough to think perhaps your subconscious is telling you to put the brakes on this money train.
My ex-boyfriend owes me money.
If your ex asked you for money before and still owes you money, I think it’s safe to assume you will not be getting paid anytime soon. If you continue helping out (or enabling) an ex like this, it may hurt your ex in the long run.
If your ex owes you money, the answer isn’t to give more money. While there is an unpaid balance, I’d feel very justified in declining my ex’s request for money.
My ex-boyfriend stole money from me.
If your ex asked you for money and you said no, your ex-boyfriend certainly has no right to steal money from you! My friend had an ex who would sneak into his condo and steal from his massive coin collection! He had hundreds of dollars of coins saved up throughout the years. When my friend was at work, his ex-boyfriend stole his money by sneaking in and taking quarters. Over time, my buddy noticed and filed a police report.
If your ex is asking you for money, it’s ok to say no. What isn’t ok is for your ex to then start using his or her knowledge of your life/home to steal the money from you. If this happens to you, definitely skip the conversation with your ex and go straight to the police. Also, it may be worth investing in a Ring camera system or something affordable and similar. If your ex is willing to steal money from you, I’d focus on protection.
How it feels when your ex needs financial help:
Knowing somebody you once cared about is in need can evoke a myriad of reactions. How you react really depends on you as a person. Your reactions to your ex being in need says a lot about you as a person. For example, some people may relish the fact their ex is hurt and use it as an opportunity to kick them when down. Others may extend a more empathic, compassionate approach to the ex’s situation.
There really is no right or wrong way to feel when your ex asks you for money. For me, I really have to question my ex’s motivation behind doing so and assess whether I can afford it financially OR emotionally. Don’t kick anybody who is down, but down overspend in your emotions just because you can afford to help technically. If you can’t afford it emotionally (but can financially), you still cannot afford to loan money to your ex, in my opinion.
Why does my ex ask me for help?
Well, you’re on here reading this article for starters. So to me, it seems like you’re a reliable and caring person who wants to make the best decision. Your ex asks you for help because of your strong track record. However, if offering your help hurts you in the long run, it’s ok to withdraw your assistance.
It’s possible your ex is asking you for help for reasons that aren’t genuine.
How to know if your ex is being genuine (or just wants money)?
You may not know right away, so give it at least 72-hours before you send money. If your ex is only being nice as a temporary ploy to get what he wants, then this will surely be revealed within the 72-hours. You can even go longer than that if you want. Somebody with good intentions will not turn nasty just because you’re not jumping immediately at their request for money.
Also, what does your gut say? Your gut knows if your ex is being genuine or just wants money. Your gut knows if this will likely result in him just using you, or if maybe this is a chance at reconnection. Your gut knows if you can afford to help him even if he ends up being mean about it.
I trust you’ll make the right decision about your ex-boyfriend asking you for money. Please comment below to get advice on your specific situation!