My ex-boyfriend still has keys to my house. I won’t lie, there have been times that it feels incredibly weird. I even find myself wondering if my ex having keys is holding me back in some way. After all, I feel asking for the keys back would be too harsh However, is that actually a justified feeling? Let’s take a look.
It’s comforting knowing my ex has a key to my house.
I found comfort in my ex having a key to my house. It’s like he isn’t really gone. I know that if I get locked out, I can call him up in an emergency. It’s that feeling of my lifeline being there still (in my ex-boyfriend) just by him simply having those keys. I imagine how it would feel for him if I asked him for the keys back suddenly.
How does your ex feel about having keys to your home?
Forgetting about ourselves for a moment, let’s take a look at how our ex might be feeling about having keys still. My ex likes having the keys. He never wants to give them back. I personally think he would hold onto the keys for the rest of his life if he could because it means we are still connected. I’m sure there are other situations out there where the ex wants to hold on to the keys as an act of revenge. So, if your ex still has keys you must ensure he/she also has your best intentions at heart.
Memories are attached to the keys.
I have memories with the keys. I remember these keys opening our first apartment together where we shared so many memories. We raised two dogs in that apartment and had created a lovely life together. I even remember going to Walmart with my ex and choosing the design. We chose the same set, so we could be matching.
Don’t ask your ex for the key back. Change the locks!
Just change the locks! You can avoid all awkwardness by just changing the locks instead of asking your ex for the keys back. There is no reason to hurt anybody’s feelings if you think the situation doesn’t call for it. Even if it’s something like a mailbox key – just contact your HOA and have the key changed. Your ex doesn’t have to know you did it. It’s also a win-win if you’re trying to avoid contact.
Do you want your ex to have a key to your home?
There really is no right or wrong way to handle this. Many ex’s part on loving and great terms and are happy to continue living together or as roommates. Are you in a lease with your ex still? If your ex has keys because you’re in a lease, that’s a legal agreement. In most situations, you cannot just take the keys back if your ex is on the lease. There is a different procedure you have to go through for that which should be discussed with your landlord or law enforcement.
Don’t ask for the keys back in an act of revenge.
If there are benefits to your ex keeping the keys for a bit, maybe just ride the wave. The last thing you’d want is to get overly reactive and regret asking for the keys back. If you think it might burn bridges, sleep on it. As my therapist would say, don’t take action until you’re sure. If you’re still 50/50 and wishy-washy on everything, it’s a sign that now might be time to take action. Act with a clear mind when you’re communicating with your ex.
What if your ex is ignoring your requests for the keys?
If you really want to avoid the trouble, I’d suggest ignoring your ex. You don’t need your ex to cooperate and actually give you the keys back. Sure, it would be nice. But like what was talked about earlier, keys come with a sense of power. Your ex may be feeling powerful by denying you something you want. If that is the case, don’t even play the game. Change the lock and don’t expect the original key back from a mean ex like this.
Make talking about the keys easy.
This doesn’t have to be awkward. You can say something like:
- “Hello! Can you please mail me the keys back when you have time?”
- “Hey! Can you leave the keys on my porch on your way to work?”
- “Hi! How would be most convenient for you to return the keys?”
If you and your ex aren’t on good terms, you really might just want to let the key issue go and change the locks.